Monday, February 23, 2015

Taking that Leap of Faith

One of the hardest decision in life is LETTING GO. Whether it's anger, guilt, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go. There is no reset button in life. You can't take anything back and you can't undo anything. All of your actions had consequence and the things you say and do today will have a lasting impact on the rest of your life. You have to understand that and you have to be aware of it while making decisions. Trust your intuition. You don't need to explain or justify your feelings to anyone. At times you have to defy logic. Your decisions don't have to make sense. Making a big life change is SCARY. but you know what's Scarier? REGRETS.
Taking that leap of FAITH!

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Birthday and Baby Shower

Tomorrow we will be welcoming baby no.2, and I can't be there because I am scared. 

Happy Birthday Tan. Always remember that I will always be here for you and your growing family. 

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Making Decisions

Today, I made a decision. Probably the hardest I ever made. It involves every aspect of my life. As a person. As a human being. 

The Backstory:

Well, if you don't know me. I don't let anybody get close as any normal person would. I always had these walls up. Even at work. I don't consider everyone as my friend. Yes we all get along just fine but again, my walls are always up. 

There was this someone, let's just call him Gee. That's the nickname I gave him. I always have special names for my friends that Im the only one calling them. (There's Garutay, lablab, baby girl, true love, first live, baby boy) yeah Im weird like that. He calls me supervisor.

He bacame one of the people I trust, not only with my life but with my parents' as well. We hang, we laugh and we whine about life together. He was really cool and all. When something went wrong, I always go out of my way just to make sure he is okay. 

Few months went by and we were okay. It was exactly a month ago when everything went crumbling down. He shut me out of his life. We stopped everything we used to do. He dropped me off like a hot potato and pushed me into the drain. HE WALKED OUT, I was LEFT OUT. 

He even sold me out on facebook. He posted about people from work were talking about him seeing someone. I tried reaching out to him but instead he posted to mind our own business and to go to the gym. It doesn't need rocket science to figure this one out. I know it was about me. 

Just kept my distance and stay silent because I don't want to hurt him for the things that I might say. 

Last Saturday, It was my last straw. I went berserk and walked out. 

This whole thing made me question myself. It gives me self doubt. It made me question  the fact that I can't make friends (in the real sense of the word). All I understand is, I have ISSUES. All this, I blame myself to. I felt like a nutcase. 

I know we said sorry to each other. I am really sorry for the things that I have put you through. I'M SO SORRY I AM DIFFICULT. 

I would like to go back to where we were but things changed and that's just the way it is. This time I think you were wrong. YOU ARE NOT LETTING GO. You are giving up but it's okay. because this time I know where I stand. I KNOW WHERE TO GO.